You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
