The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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