this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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