I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
