i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
