I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
