booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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