Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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