i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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