He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
