just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
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why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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