This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
