My hand turned me down
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
