We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
