didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
