we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
