well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
