yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
