Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
