question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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