thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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