Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
