dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.