I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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