mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
