There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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