I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
