Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
