her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
