Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can text with my tongue
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
