Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
