apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I will pee on everything he values.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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