lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
