He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
