ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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