Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
