even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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