I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
