last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
