Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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