Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
