Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
