i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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