If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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