I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish life had little blips of pornography
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
