Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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