How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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