I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
