I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They have beer where we have blood.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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