that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
