It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
