did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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