The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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