We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
