So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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