I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
