I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize