I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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