I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
