All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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