Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
