It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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