He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
