make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
