Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
