what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
