I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
COCAINE IS GR8
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
