Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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