put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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